Some cheaters will admit that they felt they may be ?missing out? on something by being married. So, your spouse?s answer to that idea was to have an affair.??
But, cheaters soon find out the truth.??
In this blog, I?ll tell you what the vast majority of cheaters discover, and 3 tips for rebuilding your marriage after an affair.?
The Truth of an Affair??
There will always be the cheater who wants out of their marriage. They refuse to put any effort into trying to save their marriage, and think that starting over with someone new means there will be no work involved.?
Those early days are easy, aren?t they??
But they will likely end up moving through new relationships, one after another, always searching for that elusive thing they?re ?missing.??
On the other hand, a smart cheater quickly realizes that whatever they may feel they?re searching for, it won?t be found outside of themselves in someone new. And new relationships will still eventually run into problems?it?s inevitable when you bring two different, individual human beings together.??
The truth is, an affair is not the answer?no matter how you phrase the question.??
Sure, you and your spouse may have problems, even seemingly insurmountable issues, especially after the affair. If your spouse cheated, no doubt they thought things would get better in their life if they escaped their present problems. They may have even thought for a moment they were missing out on the chance for a ?better? relationship.??
Again, it?s hard to avoid the inevitable: a clash of opinions, ideas, and values. So, leaving what they have today doesn?t mean their life will necessarily improve. There are people out there who have divorced and ended up remarrying: they found out the truth, that the grass is not as green as they thought on the other side.??
And that?s what the cheater soon discovers? they?ve made a mistake, and their spouse is more than enough for them. They aren?t missing anything other than the opportunity to grow the relationship they?re in, to work through and resolve its problems, and to not toss in the towel at the first sign of trouble.?
The cheater took a huge chance on losing you. The affair may be more than you can handle, and you won?t want to rebuild your marriage or have anything to do with your spouse. This is a decision that only you can make, and it certainly can?t be made in the early days after an affair has been found out.?
If and when you do decide to try to save your marriage, here are three tips to help you rebuild the relationship that has been so severely tested by your spouse?s betrayal. All three are based on types of transparency:?
Tip #1: Share Your Feelings?
Often, couples allow problems to dig deep into their relationship and fester because no one wants to rock the boat. If your partner does something to upset you, it is much healthier in the long run to share your feelings than to attempt to hide or otherwise tamp them down.??
Transparency of feelings means your spouse doesn?t have to wonder, by virtue of your actions, that they?ve done something wrong or that you?re upset about something. By telling your spouse how you are feeling, you are practicing a healthy transparency.??
Tip #2: Share Your Thoughts?
Similar to sharing your feelings is sharing your thoughts. For both feelings and thoughts, it doesn?t just have to be negative things: when you?re feeling good or having positive thoughts about the future?share that with your spouse. Transparency of thoughts let?s your partner in on all aspects of your inner world, helping you to build intimacy between you.??
Tip #3: Share Your Dreams?
Many couples forget to update their partner on where they?re at in life. This can lead to that desire to ?search for what?s missing.? Really, all that?s missing is the close connection you may have once shared with your spouse, which included this level of sharing of yourself, including your hopes and dreams.
My best to you in healing from the affair and rebuilding your marriage.
Did your spouse cheat, and then admit they felt they were missing out, or missing something in their life?
Do you think your spouse learned the truth about affairs?
Are you willing to consider rebuilding your marriage, and practice all-encompassing transparency?
Please share your ideas and personal experiences on this topic with other members of the community.
Wishing you hope and healing for your marriage,
Stephanie Anderson
Editor-in-Chief
Marriage Sherpa
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